I kind of just stood there for a minute, knowing that it was a snake but not wanting to believe it.

We were renting a small house just a few streets away from where we live now. We had found that there was a nest of copperheads in our back yard and under the house. We thought we had taken care of it, but one day I was folding laundry on the couch while the kids napped. I got up to get a snack and saw something long and dark under the dining room table. I had just cleaned the house so I knew there shouldn’t be any toys or anything under there.

I kind of just stood there for a minute, knowing that it was a snake but not wanting to believe it.

Just to be sure, I grabbed a washcloth that I had just folded and kind of tossed it in the general direction of the table. The snake recoiled. I screamed.

At first I wasn’t sure what to do. If my kids had not been sleeping in the house I would have run out and waited for my husband to come home and take care of it. But my kids WERE at home. And the snake was between them and me. I knew I had to take care of it before they woke up and came trotting down the hall. I grabbed my phone and tried to call my husband at work. He didn’t answer. I called again and again with no answer.

I knew I couldn’t let it out of my sight so I had to work with what was nearby. I kept thinking about the Bible verse that says "And I will put enmity between thee and the woman, and between thy seed and her seed; it shall bruise thy head, and thou shalt bruise his heel." My thoughts: there is NO WAY I'm letting that thing "bruise my heel"! I saw a pair of my husband’s combat boots by the door and put them on, tucking my pant legs inside. I scanned the room to see what I could use. Nothing. I glanced into the kitchen and found a few things that would have to do.

Armed with an oven mitt, a clear plastic container, a pair of tongs and a pair of scissors I set out to capture the creep.

I was shaking and definitely not thinking clearly. The plan was to catch it under the container, then use the tongs to pick it up and toss it outside. I managed to get the container on top of it before I stupidly continued with my (not so) awesome plan. I put the oven mitt on my left hand and began lifting the container with my right. The snake “attacked” and bit the oven mitt. STUPID. I screamed, pulled my hand out of the mitt and slammed the container back over the snake. It was mad now and trying desperately to get out. I put my foot on top of the container to make sure it didn’t slide out, but then noticed just how badly my legs were shaking. I was definitely NOT helping to keep the container steady!

I took a step back, caught my breath and reevaluated The Plan. I didn’t want the snake out of the container at all. Glancing around the room again, I came up with a better plan. I got a piece of computer paper and slid it under the container so that the snake was on top of the paper. Then I got a hardback book and slid that under the paper. I opened the front door, then carried the whole thing outside to the front yard.

The snake was still mad and was kind of “thrashing” around under the container. When the container moved I screamed again and just tossed everything out into the yard (again, not too smart).

The snake started “running” and digging into the ground. At this point my adrenaline was racing and all I could think about was making sure that thing never got back into my house again. His head was a good ways underground so I did something else that probably wasn’t so smart. I used the tongs to “grab” it somewhere in the middle and pulled it out just a bit. It was pulling away from me trying to get back underground. Holding it still with the tongs, I pulled the scissors out of my pocket and just started cutting.

I cut his head off with scissors and it was the nastiest thing I’ve ever done! I still dream about it sometimes. *Shudders*

I took a deep breath and gathered up all of my “tools”.  The container, paper, oven mitt, tongs and scissors went straight to the trash. I debated tossing the book too, but it was one of my kids’ favorites so I kept it. And even though the snake never actually touched the book, it got some serious sterilization before returning to its place on the shelf.

When my husband FINALLY returned my call and heard the story he had the nerve to laugh. He was shocked, He told me he was impressed that I took care of it (he hadn’t heard the whole stupid plan I started with yet), but he still laughed.

When he came home and heard the whole story he laughed again! Not in a mean way at all. It was just an “I can’t believe that actually happened” laugh. But I still wasn’t finding his laughter funny in any way.

That night after we all went to bed my husband made his way to the kitchen in the dark to get a drink. Apparently our daughter had left one of her plastic bead necklaces on the kitchen floor. My husband stepped on it. And screamed!

Now I was laughing =)