I posted a “rant” last week
about not letting kids control their parents. (Click HERE if you'd like to read it.) Since
then I’ve received a ridiculous number of messages from people asking me how and
why I do certain things when it comes to raising my kids. The main question
being “Why did you make such a big deal about such a minor event?”
It’s true that, my 14 month
old not wanting to let me feed her is not a “life or death” event. Her throwing
a fit and falling down on the floor because
I wouldn’t give her a piece of chicken and let her feed herself will not make
THAT big of a difference in the long run. Or will it?
People have asked me why I
demand immediate obedience from my kids. Even with the “minor things”.
I’m posting this mainly
because I’m tired of typing it over and over again in messages =)
Here we go….
When Jeremiah was born I
realized that I was going to have to be a little bit tougher in my parenting.
Rachel was a “pretty good kid” but she was stubborn. She liked to test
boundaries and push limits. She was definitely the one who “walked the line”.
She was 2 ½ when we brought
Jeremiah home. I was exhausted and she was taking advantage of that exhaustion.
The worst part was that I was fully aware of what she was doing, and of the
fact that I was letting her. But I was tired and just plain lazy. I let her
walk all over me.
After Jeremiah was a few
weeks old I attempted my first grocery trip with just the 3 of us. As we were
leaving the store I took her out of the grocery cart….because she was whining
and begging me to let her walk. I gave in. And she took off!
I watched as she darted
across the parking lot toward the cars. I yelled for her to stop. She turned
and looked at me…then turned back around and kept running.
I had a sleeping infant in
the cart that I couldn’t just leave. I started running after her with the cart and I watched as she headed straight for a car
that was backing up. My worst nightmare was about to come true… Until a woman
grabbed her in the nick of time and held her til I got there. That woman could
have literally saved Rachel’s life that day. That situation could have ended
horribly. And it was entirely my fault.
My fault for letting her
whining get the best of me. My fault for taking her out of the cart instead of keeping
her safely inside like I knew I should have. And My fault for not instilling in
her that obeying Mommy is an absolute must.
I thanked the woman profusely,
then loaded up my kids, got in my car and just sat there shaking.
I promised myself that
things would change. My kids would know that when I say “stop”, I mean STOP.
NOW. IMMEDIATELY.
After that day, I didn’t
let her walk all over me anymore. It took a LONG TIME, a lot of prayer, diligence
and a LOT of patience, but she learned to obey immediately. And she helped to
teach that to Jeremiah when he was older, and now they are both teaching Katie.
We do “drills” with the kids
now and then to reinforce the immediate response to our commands. We practice
running down the hallway and stopping as soon as I say “stop”. It’s a game…a
game that can save a life someday.
So, no, the chicken was not
a “life or death” situation. But I could very well be in one again someday. And
with more than one child, there is no way I could run after all of them. My
kids know that when I speak, they listen. And they do so immediately. If I let
them get away with not listening in the “little things” like the chicken it can
make it hard to get them to listen in the times when it really matters.
You may or may not agree
with me, and that’s ok. But I came very close to losing my little girl because
I was being a lazy parent. Never again. My job is not to be their friend. It’s
to keep them safe. There is no place for laziness in my job. The consequences aren’t
worth it.
